leftie Sienna Moonfire Designs: Pacific Coast Picture Stories * Website Creation & Maintenance

Sienna Moonfire Designs

Pacific Coast Picture Stories
Website Creation & Maintenance


the Obsession Chronicles

"But if you have nothing at all to create, then perhaps you create yourself."

posted 20 August 2004

belonging to a place

leaving Corvallis

i feel i can't begin this page, the first of a new era, without a nod to Corvallis * it sure was a great place to be for a while * the dog-friendliest town i've ever visited (i hear Carmel is great too but i've not been there with the pup yet) * living on the Willamette again restored a bit of hope too -- it's a lot more livable than it used to be & i expect it'll get better as people appreciate it more *

having a fleeting taste of community at good ol' Twin Maple Lane helped me realize i had to get myself back down here to Caspar where i have a permanent & lively connection, to people & especially to the land (this place owns me, but that's the next story) * stopping in Corvallis also helped me tear myself away from the Pacific Northwest, to which i had given my whole heart from the beginning, 14 years ago (if not before) * i haven't gotten over arriving in the new home, let alone had time to think about leaving behind the old ones & the wish for any more new ones * but if Corvallis was the right place for me to be last year, then Caspar is the right place period *

coming home

there are times when it is good to feel insignificant * Rainier always made me feel that way, better than any other mountain i've met * the ocean makes me feel that way, with an extra dose of fear -- some fear is good, maybe i mean respect * i have a healthy fear & respect for the ocean & all her critters, depths & motions *

Caspar, a place which to many must appear insignificant itself, gives me that most deliciously disturbing settling chill of insignifigance * out of the blue & over the top: out of control... but it's not a loss of control of myself so much as realizing, accepting, & being completely grateful for my lack of control over the whole wide wonderful world * this is one of those places that makes it really obvious to me that i am controlled by my environment more than i control it (which, in case my bias is not clear, is as it should be) * i will live out my years here at the pleasure of this place (& i already know some of her best secrets) *

junk beach glass 1-4
junk beach glass 1-4 -- photos by Sienna, 4 August 2004

this coastline, this edge of the continent (on a foggy summer day sometimes it really looks like the edge of the world -- right out my kitchen window & bigger & better down on the beach) along which i walk every day changes quickly over the years * it changes very quickly on some days * storms bring floods & landslides (& endless jobs for Caltrans) * the plates could twitch & sink us all (just watch the movies) * & that's saying nothing of the work of the ocean on any given day *

above junk beach
above junk beach -- photo by Sienna, 4 August 2004

it has an added power over me because i was born in the house next door * board by board it's become a different house but it is no small thing to sleep & wake so close to the exact place of my birth * it's stretching it to say that i grew up here but this place has been the one constant in my long string of addresses (i think this makes my 20th street address, which doesn't count the times i've moved back to a place, mostly this one -- i do count this one because i have my own home this time & it's a new street address) *

when i walk out on the headlands (there are at least 3 different beaches within easy reach of our front door) the ever-busy current of memory floats close to the surface of my consciousness, flashing scenes from over the many years, some cherished, some forgotten * it makes me feel... dominated, owned -- in that sexy way they talk about in L' Auberge espagnole * now that i'm here, i can see that i always knew i'd end up back here, no matter how hard i fell for the rivers & mountains of the Northwest * now that i'm back i intend to live like i will spend the rest of my days here (& if i'm lucky i will) *

first swim #58
first swim #58 -- photo by Sienna, 4 August 2004
our home beach, destination of our easiest walk out across the headlands, is junk beach -- or glass beach, depending upon whom you ask * after years of calling it junk beach my sister & i discovered that our parents had a name for it too * (i remember another place we were proud to name on our own, the lovely Silver Creek in Oregon * turned out we got that one right so i guess we musta heard it before naming it but that didn't make the name any less perfect) * the water on some days is so crystal clear that i've resolved to get a wetsuit so i can get in there with him * some days it's still too but those rocks & those waves can get mean at the drop of a hat (that ocean was named on a rare day 'cause it ain't pacific) * not to mention the shark attack just up the coast a bit -- a guy out 100 feet from shore, diving for abalone in 15 feet of water...
what i brought with me:
* 3 boxes of edibles
* a dozen boxes (most quite small) of dishes & other non-edibles
* a table & 2 chairs
* 3 boxes & a couple bags
living room
* 4 boxes of entertainment equipment
* 10 boxes of books
* 2 boxes & a coffee sack full of wall art
* 6 boxes of & 3 bags of photographs in many forms (negatives to framed prints)
* tv stand, 3 small bookshelves, tray table set

arrival 1: my mobile greenhouse in my new driveway ready to be unloaded -- photo by Sienna, 4 August 2004
arrival 1

* 7 boxes work-related
* 9 boxes sewing/crafts
* 5 piece desk (including filing cabinet with 2 full drawers) & 2 chairs
* 6 boxes of clothing & linens
* 8 boxes of random stuff
* 13 plants in pots
* 5 birdfeeders (that are up so far)
* 2 bird baths & 2 houses

i could not have moved without the help (beyond hope) that my true (true true) friend Max brought to the party * thank you Max!

my horrorscope this week
(for the week of 19 August 2004):
"Get used to the fact that you're going to feel good about your life and bad about your life maybe eight times a day every day," advises healer Carolyn Myss, "and clear about your life and confused about your life 25 times a day. Your journey is to get to the point where you realize: 'Hey, this is just passing through me.'" While I personally think there's more to your journey than that, it's an excellent discipline that will serve you exceedingly well. And the coming weeks happen to be a perfect time, Aries, to improve your mastery of this subtle yet heroic art.

angel cards i just drew:
erm... where are my angel cards?

how am i doing?
i was talking about feeling insignificant in a good way... the way i see it, i am just passing through * i do not wish to live forever -- it comforts me to feel that, however vital every little moment is ("i like life and don't want to miss any of it"), in the grand scheme of things, or even just in the life of this one little planet we ride, my whole life is just a little string of years, a little string of accidents, meetings, connections, dreams & places * i mean to enjoy them, each & every one *

self-portrait 1 -- photo by Sienna, 4 August 2004
self-portrait 1
my favorite onscreen crushes:
the boys
& the girls

the best movies i've seen lately:

movies i want to see next:

what music is playing:

what i am reading:

status of the house:
kitchen: barely functional, 2 boxes of dishes still on floor, fridge stocked
bathroom: functional but not unpacked -- medicines & general supplies still piled on floor behind shower
living room: functional but not ready for guests (only one nice chair for watching tv/fire)
dining room: a staging area with all the photo boxes waiting to get sorted out for display (the walls await) & storage
office: fully functional but not unpacked
bedroom: my clothes are still in boxes but the bed sure is great!
etc: i've hardly touched my upstairs & except for putting up some birdfeeders & the bird baths & putting the herbs on the side porch, i really haven't done much outside

suspended rock #3 -- photo by Sienna, 4 August 2004
suspended rock #3
first swim #64: gorgeous water at junk beach -- photo by Sienna, 4 August 2004
first swim #64: lookit that water!

first swim #26: Pippin fetches kelp -- photo by Sienna, 4 August 2004
first swim #26: Pippin fetches kelp

leftie path with naked ladies -- photo by Sienna, 4 August 2004
path with naked ladies

birds at my feeders this week:
my answers to those questions he always asks on Inside the Actors Studio are as follows (today):
my most favorite word is home *
my least favorite word is crap *
what turns me on is walking on the headlands *
what turns me off is boring assignments *
a sound i love is waves *
a sound i hate is a bird hitting a window *
my favorite curse word is c*cksucker *
a profession other than my own that i would love to try is bed & breakfast owner *
a profession i would hate to try is flagger *
if i end up at the pearly gates & there is a god to greet me, i would want her to say, "there are some people here waiting for you" *

after the walk 7 -- photo by Sienna, 4 August 2004
after the walk 7


leftie first swim #61 -- photo by Sienna, 4 August 2004
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