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the Obsession Chronicles
posted 16 December 2003
the full moon from my back porch
i've always loved astrology, tarot, dream interpretation -- all that woo-woo stuff -- but lately i've really been listening with all the doors in my mind wide open (or i keep trying to leave them open!) * i am in such a time of transition that any outside interpretation is welcome, especially when it carries an old friendly magic like the tarot does * so as not to pester Sunshine with my daily quest i've been spending a lot of time at Tarot.com, a site i've enjoyed for some time * for one thing, they have a lot of free readings (i've been visiting it for several years & only recently bothered to give them any money) but i find their interpretations very accurate & helpful * working on that site would be something of a dream job -- cool web interaction combined with the ancient wisdom of the tarot!
so what do the cards tell me? it's pretty funny -- hah hah -- i laugh every time because they keep giving me the same message "let go of your past" * how many times? i wonder * didn't i let go when i came to Corvallis? didn't i let go some more after three months of mind-heart-opening conversation with Nathan & Sunshine? & again two weeks ago when a long heart-full conversation with an old friend helped me see more clearly still? & another time when i found out that my ex has already moved on to his new love & it hurt but i was glad because i had given him up already * i let go some more 2 days ago when the cards said it was time * it's still time? what am i holding onto? some remnant of a dream? some attachment to the town? do i have to give up my friends too? i gave up the boy; i gave up the dog; i gave up the pretty yard full of plants & birds around the cute little house * is it the remaining love for Oly that keeps me from finding my path into the future? am i just being impatient? yes, i usually am * i guess it's a good stage, to be ready for the future, ready to, as the cards tell me, surrender to the "responsive and magical universe" * i love that, i really do *
but anytime it wants to bump me into the next era, i'd like to get on with it *
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making lists: about this page
the stunning movie The Pillow Book is the inspiration for this ever-evolving page of lists * there are lots of links mixed in on my lists -- if i could find a good link on any item, i included it * some links go straight to Amazon.com or the IMDb but watch that bottom status bar because there are some other great links hidden in there * if you're interested in a little history, follow the story behind this page on the one that came before it, otherwise, read on for more rambling words and lists of beloved things -- is that an oxymoron?
my horrorscope today
(for the week of 11 Dec):
Six miles from Maui is a Hawaiian island that tourists never visit -- Kaho'olawe. The U.S. Navy seized it in 1941 and used it as a target range for decades. After years of protests by Native Hawaiians, the Navy finally stopped bombing and began a clean-up campaign. Last month it formally turned control of the island over to the rightful owners. "You can get a feel on Kaho'olawe of what it was like to live on Hawaii at the time of our ancestors," says Native Hawaiian Davianna McGregor. "We can practice our traditions there without it being a tourist attraction. It's one place we can go to be in communion with our natural life forces." Every one of us has a personal version of Kaho'olawe, Aries: a part of our psyche that has been stolen or colonized by hostile forces. It's a perfect moment for you to take back yours.
angel cards i just drew:
compassion responsibility joy
how am i doing?
ha... yeh, i'm doing some serious honest digging in my psyche, trying to take back what i lost, which starts with trying to understand what it is i lost * a true friend of mine implied that i have nothing to lose right now & i can see that as a place of power (joy?) but it feels kinda lonely * ...i've drawn the responsibility card rather often lately & it strikes me kinda funny 'cause i am only responsible to myself right now * i guess i shouldn't laugh -- i do believe that our relationships would work better if we took better care of ourselves * i did spend 6 years wishing to be true & i know i'll always have to struggle with it but it is a habit i must remind myself to keep * i haven't figured out what i'm wishing for exactly these days, except that i sure would like to find my path & set off on it!
magic on the beach
movie star crushes:
the best movies i've seen lately:
movies i want to see next:
what music is playing:
"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature."
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
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tv shows i watch unless there's som'm better to do (usually there is):
i am a sports fiend:
birds at my feeders:
something good happened the other day:
i started sanding our b-e-a-utiful (& huge!) picnic table yesterday after much procrastination followed by a drying off period in the garage * today i resealed my lovely bench (& it promptly began to rain) * with those & the hammock zone i should have spring fever in no time! but in the meantime, i'm looking forward to the solstice -- maybe then my end will end for good & my new beginning begin for real...
& i cooked:
we made sushi with the neighbors last night -- good food, good company *
Malkmus came over last night with his parents to watch the Eagles win in the ever-cheesier theatre that is Monday Night Football * he sheds & drools a lot, but he sure is a sweetie!
Malkmus loves the bird bath
what i am reading now:
sayings on my mind:
fake it till you make it *
ain't nothin' like the real thing baby *
just because something is possible
doesn't mean you get to have it *
it's all connected *
all things in moderation *
embrace the dark side *
use it or lose it *
love it or leave it *
the answer's usually both *
nobody's just anybody *
regrettin' shit is a waste of time *
i'd rather regret som'm i did than som'm i didn't *
one door never closes without another one opening *
there are no innocents *
life is bittersweet *
damn, we're in a tight spot *
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