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the Obsession Chronicles

therebeyou

i sit to write after 2 days curled up in bed thrown down by the sick monster because, as if the why matters, i went out to the desert for 3 weeks & came back to the foggy coast where the weather has changed & Fall is Here * & yet my mood is undimmed still lifted * i am utterly totally endlessly in love * to the point where it is obvious & a few friends have told me i'm glowing * to the point where i am in love with everything i see & how not? i live off figs & strawberries, goat cheese & carrots from the markets, then when i go for ice cream with the folks i get christened with my first taste of candy cap mushroom ice cream (delicious!) *

last week, on the very brink of the Change, with it so thick that as soon as i opened the back door i could smell the rain rich in the air for the first time since June, i walked from my house out to the edge of the earth, especially so in the grey weathers, with the anything-but-pacific ocean below & the ominous rollicking sky above * i sucked in as much of that moist air as i could, sending my eyes out urgently from horizon to feet & on around the back way, falling out of the sky into the ocean, surfing back up again, landing on rainbow headland grasses * what i am so in love with that it hardly even matters what exactly i'm in love with is after all a place (sorry, friends, none o' that good gossip here) so it is imperative to worship this place under my feet right now, for all of my years, just as heartily *

i know, i know, you have to be just this side of crazy to read me right now... i can't write this feeling this journey these revelations in any kinda way that makes sense in any kinda easy way * but you know i have to try 'cause trying to write it all down is deep in this critter-nature & this here ride spinning me 'round & 'round just keeps getting better & betterer so that i must at least offer to share the gifts *

i know that there are one or 2 Out There who understand me when i say that i am in love with a place, even when i say that it is a place that leads to another place that isn't a place like physical ones, but a newer much older place where crazy talk like mine is all you can use when you try to talk about it... the beauty of the mess is that the ones who have been there understand eachother & now that's a whole new ride mmmnn-hmmnnn *