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the Obsession Chronicles

once in a blue moon

a circle closing

at this time last year i was getting my heart slowly broken * slowly because the poor boy couldn't make up his mind or couldn't tell me or some such boyish thing * i will freely admit that i was a little bit grateful that he thought it through completely the other weekend when i watched my silly neighbor boy break up with his girl (really -- i didn't try to watch but they were out on the picnic table where Pippin was so when i looked out i wondered at their obviously Very Serious Discussion only to find out they'd broken up right before my very eyes) * the silly neighbor boy was mad over something, decided he was only happy 85% of the time (boy, give me those odds!) & so it must be time to break up * but it turned out he didn't mean it & i can only wish them the best of luck for the future * my silly boy broke up with me & then left town for 10 days so that when he came back we were able to share the house until i found my new home in my new town * i was not so blind-sided that i couldn't be grateful for that time, which eased the pain of moving if not the pain of the broken heart * i can be grateful for the level head & still curse the small heart * truth be told i'm also endlessly grateful i'm free of that trap * (i guess those sound like harsh words but i assure i share my load of blame -- if he's at fault for giving up, i'm at fault for not giving up) *

i have not seen said boy since i hopped in my uhaul & left everything i knew * i don't know if we'll be friends again & to be honest it doesn't make a lot of difference to me * we've exchanged some friendly emails but there's just no connection left * my good buddy who is also his good buddy tells me we will regret this in ten years when we know nothing about eachother * maybe...

what's important to me right now is that on 30 July, the one-year anniversary of that terrible, necessary break-up, i will be rolling into my home town, my birth town, my new town, Caspar with all my obsessive collections, my Pip & one of my superfine friends bringing my truck, a laughing attitude & some helping hands for the difficult bits * i find the timing delicious: a circle closing (& a blue moon the next day) *

on obsessions

i think you all know how much i love Viggo Mortensen (& when i say that i do not mean i want to have his babies, but that i admire him & feel he is a creative influence on my life) * so, since this is my page of brutal honesty, i will admit that i am finally thinking that the obsession might be getting a little bit dangerous * i'm not going to start stalking him, but i've been cruising eBay looking for some of his older movies & out of print cds for... um... some time now * in my (dubious) defense, i do not shell out piles of dough for any magazine that has him on the cover (from the looks of it you could make a living selling magazines on eBay) * but i do look * okay, & i did pay a little too much for a (gorgeous & i'm so glad i did) copy of HoBO #3 * & i stole a copy of the beautiful Flaunt #39 from somebody who didn't know what she had -- thank gods 'cause i'm not paying 50 bucks to add an item to my collection.... weyell... then yesterday i got pretty durn close * not for a magazine, for an out of print cd from 1998 of Viggo's whack-o jazz enjoyment experiments with buddies like Buckethead & Exene Cervenka * i am quite sure i won't regret it (& if i can find a copy of Don't Tell Me What to Do or One Less Thing To Worry About i'll do it again), but i am beginning to think the obsession is getting a little bit on the over the top side * (on the other hand i've been neglecting tyV like a good little girl 'cause i'm too busy & i picked up a complete, brand new set of The Lord of the Rings (BBC Dramatization) for less than 5 bucks so maybe i'm not doin' so bad after all) *

what's worse is that my usual fun game of picking movie star crushes is just no good after Viggo * when Russell Crowe was my main man (love me some manly man though you should hear him sing silly love songs!) it was easy to pick other crushes * now i look at somebody who i really do think is handsome, like the other night it was Denis Leary (because i loved that new show Rescue Me on FX without commercials!) & i thought mmm, with that hair he looks kinda like Viggo * !!! * & he's even a great guy too, maybe not talented in so many ways but driven & at least halfway conscious * but i just can't get my pannies all in a bunch for anybody now that i've found my true (onscreen/on the page) love * heh... not that he gets me all in a dither that way but lookit! i try to say one little thing about him & you see what happens!

• pandemoniumfromamerica
• One Less Thing To Worry About
• Recent Forgeries
• One Man's Meat
• Live at Beyond Baroque
• Return of the King (gotta habit)
• Old Wives' Tales
• Salvation! (soundtrack)
• Sinatra

• HoBO
• Flaunt
• tarot (with my beautiful LotR deck of course)

• black-capped chickadee
• red-breasted nuthatch
• song sparrow
• white-crowned sparrow
• house finch
• goldfinch
• rufous hummingbird
• towhee
• robin
• black-headed grosbeak
• evening grosbeak
• scrub jay