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the Obsession Chronicles

begin now

we're coming up on a new year again, a new beginning again (my favorite) * there's a part of me that really loves the way everything sucks in its breath in winter * it looks like dying but it's also a preparation for spring, a giving of space & nutrients for whatever might come next *

there's nothing wrong with dying, contrary to popular opinion * i like to think of the way the salmon give their bodies back to the land in a most impressive reminder of the great cycle * on the right day on the right river (Yakima, Hoh, Skagit, Puget Sound) the stench of all their rotting bodies is almost unbearable & you can hardly keep the slime of them off your boots (& watch your dog because salmon poisoning is no joke) but it's beautiful magic perfect * one of the musts of life (heh, admiring death -- that's the thing: it's the same thing) *

surrender

i'm ready for whatever comes next * i'm not ready to donate my body to the cause (well, not if it means i have to vacate anyway), but i'm ready to get up stand up (if that's not taking the words of a great one in vain) * i think i say this every year, but i also think it becomes truer each year * there's always room for improvement *

last year at this time my rant was about feeling ready to move ahead with the future while the cards kept telling me to let go of my past * sometimes being sick of something feels like letting go of it * some things you have to let go of a dozen times before you're free * i'll tell you what: i'm free now!

now i'm on about my future, even if i have no real plan * i have a kind of back up plan, in case the real plan doesn't ever swim up & introduce itself * maybe it's all the same plan * like the man says, i intend to "live all the days of [my] life" *

sure i want some things, some simple, average american girl type dreams, but i'm up for anything * if i'm ever gonna have my head on straight it's on straight now & i daresay my heart will always be in the right place (right there on my sleeves) * that's not to say i'm sitting around waiting, mind you * if nothing else i'll get that book dreamed into reality *