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the Obsession Chronicles

seeing the beauty

elevator goes both ways

i have neglected my obsession chronicles for more than a season now * it's not that i haven't been obsessing * the funny thing about the last 2 entries (mirror be reflectin' & dark days having their own light) was that on my wild train of thought i was talking about the same thing in both rants * the whole point, as i have been trying to live it, is that it's always both * i love my contradictions, how my truth is a slightly different colour in this rich mysterious moment than it was last month or will be next year * it delights me that i continue to surprise myself, that i can feel battle-pulled & calm consistant in the same days * to me it's all beautiful, the dark & the light, laughter & tears, winter & spring * i find lessons & beauties in all the days * still tryin' to write that down...

what comes along

i feel like i'm a pretty lucky girl * i find myself in some tender sweet moments & most times i remember to pay close attention to them, to cherish them as they come as thoroughly as after they go * it's all about keeping your eyes (mind spirit heart) open, spreading your arms (wings boundaries stories)...

a week ago i sat in my wood-moody living room with my pup reading a manuscript sent to me by a brotherspirit, gettin' to see the magic in progress, feelin' like i was peeking at the roots before the flowers open, close to the story that isn't mine but grows into my language *

later on the same night i was sittin' in a building i've loved all my life yet hadn't entered in many years * sittin' with my neighbor & sistercritter Angie, lucky me, the night before her tour * her voice surrounding us while another talented local character (with the most deluscious braid i've seen in ages) mixed a song which will always remind me of that toothsome evening *

telling Angie about the 2 creative forces that had spun me 'round that night, i laughed at myself, "what'm i doing?" we'd been talking about our loves & secrets, dark sides & wishes, triumphs & doubts, all centered loosely on the main question of how do we love one another, self & other, friends & lovers both * plus, she's a bright side, half full kinda girl, so she says sweet-seriously, "i think this conversation we've been having is where your creative energy is going" * !!! * i have been hoping & wishing that that's true, trusting that the journey keeps feeding me as it does *

i have been riding the same conversation river with a few quick-witted bird-eyed open-heart friends & i've never been truer nor freer * the more i let the good Madam Universe swirl me along, creating me & offering the days as she will, the more grounded free ready i feel *

i've been wanting to write love poems to the friends who walk & talk with me in our real & imagined worlds, always giggling over how we say "just" friends * lately i've been thinking that friendship is the real gem/teacher because it accepts, challenges, nourishes, following only the simplest, most generous rules * a good friendlover, well that's all i'm lookin' for, heh, they're out there, they do come along *

nice surprises

speaking of chance, a few nights ago i spent some quicklasting hours in the delightful company of an Aussie who happened to sit next to me at the Caspar Inn * sat quite content for some time sipping my Scrimshaw, looking around at the crowd thinking how funny unusual it was that the only people i knew in the bar were the people working * entertained all the while, listening close to catch the words in the accent, thinking how much fun a random conversation with somebody from another country is (contact with the real world) & how sometimes the most intriguing finds are the ones i wasn't expecting *