Sienna Moonfire Designs

Pacific Coast Picture Stories
Website Creation & Maintenance

this is me (too)

the everydays

life is sweet, i gotta say it * you just can't complain too much, even if your country is half-asleep on what's sweet about it * the livin' just gets better & i keep getting better at catching the good drops *

i let the sun wake me, or sleep till puppy time * i don't exactly bound outta bed, but i don't linger * if there's wood, or if i've managed to keep the woodstove in coals overnight, i spin through the kitchen washing dishes, brewing coffee or mate, getting the fire going, feeding the pup, keeping an eye on the birds (noticing the return of mourning doves & the absence of house sparrows this morning) * most mornings i turn on the computer & this morning it was for my own enjoyment, to tap some of the swirling activity in my mind after yet another mind-opening trip to another person's version of home *

today my folks were making panforte, using my oven, which entertained Pippin & made the house smell wondrous * tonight i'll make Avgolemono to go with their salad * tomorrow night i'll make a cheese sauce (i'll have to post that one too, so easy) to go with Michael's fresh pasta * we don't eat together every night -- i don't think either of us would complain about not getting enough privacy -- but it's nice sometimes * i hate cooking just for me *

i can't help but think that i'd make somebody a good little wifey... okay so i know i have my head in the clouds & i know i'm a bit of a special case so it'd take the right kinda somebody but i can do the everydays up right * not that i don't lose my grip sometimes, but you just have to appreciate those days too * i could keep up with somebody like Ellen's ranger, maybe even with a Seldom Seen Sleight, though that's a lotta man (i want more than i can handle, see, i want to be inspired to be bigger than i am) * i can make a home & i can take an adventure * i love all the little moments... nothing like sharin' 'em *

not that i don't enjoy plenny about being alone * i can waste a Saturday babbling about my hometown, taking time out to watch the panforte proceedings, walk the perimeter of the headlands for a quick look at all the beaches at high tide, keep my fire going * tonight i may watch a movie or i may skip right to sitting up late in bed writing * there's a poem about kissing i'm working up to catching but it may be too late already *

navigating by dreamlight

suddenly just now i remembered that i was driving right on the edge of the headlands last night in my dreams... i've always dreamed of these headlands, impossible dreams of cliffs & waves & barely speeding along above the edge of danger * that's all i remember * i haven't been remembering my dreams in this house & i should watch it with the jinx talk but it kinda bothers me * i do pay attention to the signs & omens, of which my dreams are a rich source * paying attention doesn't hurt & what a window the dreams can be!

the fact that i haven't remembered a full dream since the last night of the Moab trip keeps me feeling like i'm waiting for something * i guess it's okay to be waiting for something so long as i keep on enjoying all the little moments * i'm living on the half-full side of life but there sure is some room in heart & home * i can dream, can't i?

wishing life (too much information)

"you mean besides kissing?" Salma (the most beautiful woman in the world) answers when Lipton asks her what turns her on * even macho Denis wants to be kissed with such passion it makes him sound girlish to describe it * i don't know how people live without it * sigh... i got kissed a while ago... as in melt-in-your-mouth kissed, as in somebody-just-kill-me-now-so-i-can-go-with-a-smile kissed, as in so-heaven-really-does-exist-'cause-this-is-it kissed... sigh again * you think i'm joking but these kisses made me think i haven't been kissed for years (7, to be exact -- i could prolly pick the date) * i shouldn't say it, shouldn't say any of this, but it rocked my world so gently i don't know how to recover * it's a wondrous thing, getting kissed like that, best ride in the park *

what makes me laugh is a secret i should not tell but it's so delicious i can't help myself (i do love to tear down the hiding walls & make a fool of myself -- the beautiful moments of life deserve to be met full-on, don't they?)... i have a shrine in the corner of my bedroom * when i was very young i fell in love with Krishna, the sexiest, most down-to-earth godling i've ever met * loves milk, loves cows, loves milkmaids -- worship i can understand * think of me, he says, & i will be with you * how easy is that? his sandalwood likeness has been with me since before i ever got kissed, the constant core of my evolving bedroom shrine *

other precious objects have joined Krishna over the years (admit it, girl: everything in my bedroom is a prayer) * my girl shrine joined him when i moved here * i won't go into all the details (o yes, even a crazy honest girl like me has to maintain a little mystery), but after i met (& did not kiss) a certain dream guy, & suddenly started believing in dream guys again, i made it into a shrine to kissing * not on purpose, i was just wishing to be kissed (ever since i learned how) *

i didn't think about it that way until i got my perspective blown open by the sweet soft kisses still stealing my mind away from my random sentences... uh... right: i walked over to my shrine & without thinking, like a habit, i kissed the tips of my fingers to touch them to the worship spots (Krishna's belly, a precious signature, a certain 5-cent piece)... the fantastic way in which the ritual wish had come kissing true struck me with a shock so that after i stopped laughing i had to bend down & gratefully kiss each magic spot right on the lips *

does not the universe provide? you have to pay attention, you have to grab the bits you can because the best bits will slip right through your fingers... & you have to let them * like the man sings, "it only grows if it's on the vine" * what a ride... years without meeting a dream guy & then 2 in 3 months * yes, they're both a part of the same gift from the ever-lovin' universe (i could show you some of the connections) * & this one brought me kisses... life is sweet *

even i wonder, what is my dream guy type? i remember once i made a list... now i believe them when i see them (i believe, i believe) but there's got to be life at every level, all the lights have to be glowing, feet on the ground, head in the clouds, everything all there in between * i want to see a heart fit to burst out of its chest, a spirit in love with the outdoors, a body fully conscious of its own gorgeous power, a mind that reads, thinks, engages with mine... what makes the dream is how fast the connection can happen, how it can catch me by surprise, turn my life upside down without changing a thing *

i'll be the first to admit i'm a puppy -- i fall in love easily, whole-heartedly * we only have today, y'know, & i want to live 'em every one * i've said it before & i'll say it again: i'd rather regret som'm i did than som'm i didn't *

i chase the dreams, but i'm wide awake * i know a possibility is only a possibility, not a promise * i also know that the first dream guy i met, 11 years ago, is still one of my truest friends * my other 2 truest friends got more or less the same reaction when i met them as he did, without the wish for kissing (alas, i'm straight) * my faith is strong *

i have this crazy idea that all it takes to make love last is to want it enough, to kiss it alive everyday, to give it sunlight, fresh air & rain as often as possible * i have no trouble believing that in some other universe that first dream boy & i are madly smooching, writing eachother daily poems, forever playing in the snow & the desert * i can easily imagine giving myself over completely & lastingly (strong enough now not to lose myself at the same time) to the dreamy river boy or the dreamy kissing boy * i don't think it would be easy -- i don't want easy * i don't want to be with somebody i can handle, i want to be with somebody who makes me have to be bigger, better, more alive, somebody who makes me pay attention to every moment * ...then again, i think loving somebody is the easiest thing in the world: all it takes is to give in & let the waters take you *

i know i just walked away from a kiss i could have swum a lifetime in * some people really shine... it's impossible to describe such a moment without getting all sappy but i'm not scared * i know i walked away from the best dream i've had in a long time * i know just what i'd do if i won that kiss again * call me cocky, but i could carry a dream like that to the last breath ...just let me try * i understand & it doesn't even matter that i can't know what it was like on the other side of that sweetest kiss * getting to know the man would be a lifetime project, that's the way it should be * not that i'm the one to do it -- i know that too * it doesn't matter * that a kiss like that could exist at all is something that will give me hope for many many days *

since i've already stripped down to my dreams & shrines here i'll tell another secret that amused me * this morning before i started this rant i opened my calendar to write down the birthday of the sweet-kissing boy who inspired it & wouldn't you know it's on the exact day i always wanted to have my wedding: the day before Friday the 13th * ah, the irony... what can i do but appreciate it?