leftie Sienna Moonfire Designs: Pacific Coast Picture Stories * Website Creation & Maintenance

Sienna Moonfire Designs

Pacific Coast Picture Stories
Website Creation & Maintenance


the Obsession Chronicles

posted 4 September 2003

surrender: dancing lessons from god

now i'm starting over * i don't even know if i've started yet... but an era is definitely over * an era that was my best so far * the Oly era, the boy & river & dog era has ended (i know, i'm repeating myself... these things happen slowly for me... i need some time for my heart to catch up) * so now i'm sad & lonely & all that (you'll just have to forgive my babbling, or click on), but...
i'm just trusting that each new era is the best yet... i've seen it work for other people (my 2 best friends are both getting married next year)... it's worked for me * it's hard to have faith (got to have faith), to re-focus, after losing all the most important things, the ones that i wanted to give the rest of my life to (i can't believe how gone they are) * the real things, like that precious golden pup, that wild-hearted boy, that particular special spot of dirt, wood & other man(woman)-sculpted materials, in a simple comfortable town surrounded by big chunks of wild beauty...
the 2 biggest visible right from town, those gorgeous mountains... giant mother Rainier & that big hunk of an "untamed" Olympic Peninsula ("what do you mean you can't drive through it?") * those impervious mountains not watching me watching them * everyday, even when i couldn't see them, i knew just where they were -- pulling me, supporting me, proving that most things are bigger & longer-lasting than i am * sometimes it's good to feel small * compared to things like that... the Mountains taking my breath away every time i turned a certain oft-visited corner, heading toward 2 favorite parks -- one i haunted with Bob while the comet hovered over our summer, the other i haunted with Iverson, tireless swimmer, rock-chaser in the water, ball-finder in the forest * The Mountain briefly stopping my heart with her huge white/dark beauty coming to the top of an otherwise purely practical hill (toward the mini malls of Lacey) *

...but i do have faith * i do trust it, life & that lovely uncontrollable universe * life keeps getting better, especially when you participate (without trying to control that wacky unpredictable universe) & i may not feel ready but i know i am... if nothing else, i can fake it till i make it, that's what other people do, right? there's something blessed in surrendering... the Lips appreciate that, remind me with lines like "as the dawn began to break - i had to surrender - the universe will have its way - too powerful to master" * "there are things you can't avoid you have to face them when you're not prepared to face them..."
i'm trying to let the universe send me on my course (obviously i don't know where i'm going) by doing my best to follow those ever-willing "dancing lessons from god" my dad always jokes about * so now i'm in Corvallis, Oregon, of all the most random places i had never been before * i've got a great place, big & open inside & out * a whole new world to explore around here *
there is something about starting over that's almost like freedom... right now it's all about surrender for me * time to open the heart, the mind, the life... see what happens, what i've got to work with, what i like, what likes me... maybe remember some parts of myself that i left behind for one imagined reason or another * like writing -- here's one of my wacko emotional crazy girl poems (warn ya though: the only way through it is through it, i figure) *

& i do like the lists

the first item on the first list of the last era lists (got that?) is the inspiration for this second (somewhat stolen from the first) page of lists * there are lots of links mixed in on my lists -- if i could find a good link on any item, i included it * some links go straight to Amazon.com or the IMDb but watch that bottom status bar because there are some other great links hidden in there * if you're interested in a little history, the story behind this page is on the one that came before it, otherwise, read on for more rambling words and lists of beloved things -- is that an oxymoron?

my horrorscope today:
I'm not saying you're depressed, Aries, nor am I predicting you will be. But you are in an astrological phase when you're more susceptible than usual to that feeling. Having issued that warning, however, let me add that I think being depressed would actually be very good news. It would mean you're on the verge of a creative breakdown that will inevitably lead to a liberating breakthrough. To be perfectly candid, I hope you do give yourself the luxury of experiencing deflation.
undying crushes:
Sienna Moonfire Potts: current obsessions from the webster of Sienna Moonfire Designs
tv shows that almost make me wish i had a tv:
i am a sports fiend:
fortunately for my displaced self, my M's games come in over the radio (when asked what i'd miss most about Oly, besides the obvious, i had a hard time picking between the views & proximity of the mountains or the daily baseball games on tv) * my fave pitcher is still Piñeiro & ya just gotta love the quiet reliable Olerud ... now as i write they're losing badly (again) but last night they came back to win -- there's always hope, that's what our (losing) teams teach us, right? right, Boston fans?

birds at my feeders:
i only have a couple up so far & the bird bath... i've seen the scrub jays but don't have a special buddy yet (hope my special buddy in Oly is still finding plenny of peanuts) * i've got lots of chickadees & other little pretty-song birds in the big trees off my back porch so they ought to find my offerings & come 'round to entertain me by winter * i did see a robin check out the ear of corn today but i don't even think robins like corn...
something good happened the other night:
i found out that the divinely inspiring Flaming Lips are coming to Portland in October, not too long after my other favorite band, Ween comes through town -- now that's something (2 things) to really look forward to!

& i cooked:
zucchini bread & twice baked potatoes
Sienna Moonfire Potts: current obsessions from the webster of Sienna Moonfire Designs
  • i am a pack rat -->
  • meat & dairy
  • i write better than i speak (so you can just imagine...)
  • i love tv
  • in the words of the o-so-quotable Homer Simpson:
    mmmmm, beer
  • i follow my heart
    that's not a weakness, but it can mean leaving that stubborn heart behind for a while sometimes while it catches up with reality...
things i collect:


leftie I imagine Iverson spends his days like this now that I am not there to let him out and provide the frequent treats he so loved. (photo by Sienna)
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