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the Obsession Chronicles"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."
-- Jane Howard posted 14 April 2004 | |
coming up with a planhidden ladybug
so i still don't really know what i'm doing with my life but i do think i know where i'm going: closer to my family * i'm just superstitious enough not to want to spell out a half-baked plan but it has everything to do with my family * i love it up here in the Pacific Northwest & if i really had anything going on up here that i couldn't take with me i'd never think of leaving * i'm three hours closer to my family where i live now (which is hardly closer at all) & it makes such a difference i can't imagine moving any direction but closer * when i think about what's missing from my life & what i want out of the next 5 years, family is at the top of my list *
just as i came to that conclusion, i was drawn into another branch of the family, Rochelle's family * her youngest brother lives near here & his kids do too * when my folks visited in March we had dinner with them & i enjoyed them all thoroughly * they're very different & yet very similar to me & to my own immediate family *
last Friday they had a Seder, a non-traditional, informal, even "godless" as the eldest daughter Jessica said, telling -- Haggadah -- designed to make all feel welcome to celebrate liberation & nuture a hope for peace & acceptance between all peoples * one of my favorite details was the addition of an orange to the collection of symbolic foods on the Seder plate as "as a gesture of solidarity with Jewish lesbians and gay men, and others who are marginalized within the Jewish community" (read more) * pass it on!i felt so welcomed by all of them it almost made me sorry to be thinking of leaving (not this year -- i want to stay in one place for a whole year, a thing too rare for me) * it felt like family * | ||
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making lists: about this pagelast updated 10 January 2004
the stunning movie The Pillow Book is the inspiration for this ever-evolving page of lists * there are lots of links mixed in on my lists -- if i could find a good link on any item, i included it * some links go straight to Amazon.com or the IMDb but watch that bottom status bar because there are some other great links hidden in there * if you're interested in a little history, follow the story behind this page on the one that came before it, otherwise, click on for more rambling words and lists of beloved things -- is that an oxymoron?
the lists below may look the same but they change every time i update the page * not all of them every time, but all of them over time * as it's a new year i'm going to give them another thorough going over, keep my mind moving on to new obsessions, even though i don't completely let go of the old ones *
the 2 spots at top i'll keep -- they're always changing & besides, they please me (i'm the only audience for these pages for all i know, so why not?) * my horrorscope: i'm a woo-woo type, part pagan, so why not revel in it? & the hotties in the movies: what's life without some tasty crushes? i try to keep the list short, but when i really fall for somebody it's usually because of a generous genuine nature & then i never want to take him&her off my list * like Viggo, like Salma * i saw the elvin Cate Blanchett on Inside the Actors Studio & wow... she said "It has to be a generous act" about really giving herself to a performance emotionally, going all out as she does * the generosity of creative expression is one of my favorite concepts, the one i've begun the last 2 years with (see Viggo for last year, & Brezsny for this) * see, it's all connected * | |
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my horrorscope this week
(for the week of 15 April 2004): Due to a confluence of unusual astrological influences, you've been temporarily authorized to act as if you are the love child of comedians Chris Rock and Margaret Cho. Here's some of the behavior you have a cosmic license to express: 1. Expose hypocrisy with uproarious honesty. 2. Lay yourself bare as a way to educate and inspire others. 3. Shock people awake with irreverent new spins on traditional subjects. 4. Risk being annoying in order to be a servant of the hilarious truth. 5. Be edgy and healing, disruptive and inspiring, half-crazy and profoundly real.
angel cards i just drew:
responsibility flexibility grace how am i doing?
i'd like to think that i aspire to such behavior most of the time -- i'm surprised Brezsny doesn't advise it permanently (that's what he seems to do!) * anybody who's read these pages knows i make every effort to lay myself bare, but i'm with Viggo when he says "make it purely to please yourself..." * i certainly hope it might please one or two others but i make it because it's got to come out somehow * perhaps that's what i'm responsible to: the art inside & being flexible enough to let it out as it comes * just read Tolkien: the story wants to be told *  two trees 3
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my favorite onscreen crushes:
the boys
& the girls
the best movies i've seen lately:
movies i want to see next:
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what music is playing:
what i am reading:
meadow 1 humbling moment of the week:
none of my kitchen cabinets open the way i expect them too -- after nearly 8 months i still cannot get used to them * last night Robin Williams was on Inside the Actors Studio so obviously i couldn't look away from that but i needed a plate * i grabbed the door on the wrong side but far enough out so it opened right smack into my nose so hard it brought tears to my eyes & i missed several minutes of laughter -- not to mention the bloody cracked skin on my nose to make sure i share the moment with all my friends...
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my favorite dream so far this month:
i was not myself but another girl learning to fly an ultralight with her boyfriend * she/i was getting adept & starting to feel good & confident * we were flying sideways down a tree-lined stream of bluest purest water surrounded by vivid lively green * we were flying so low it started to look like the wing might hit & i knew we would die if we crashed, yet i also knew we would not * almost by sheer force of will she/i lifted the plane up over the trees & gave a great whoop of triumph knowing it was all possible after that * my other favorite dream:
i was taking an art class of some sort & i was struggling with the medium -- painting i think it was * when we were walking to the next location i saw the most amazing arc over the path made by tree roots, with the tree growing suspended up in the air over the beautiful, intricate arc of its roots * i took some pictures, suddenly, thoroughly inspired, realizing the problem had been trying to paint when i want to work in photographs * i got beneath the tree root arc to get the view up & then i saw that behind it was an even greater arc of tree roots so powerfully tall & vivid green that i felt freed by the vision alone * i felt in my element (sometimes i want to feel small) * i backed up & it didn't all fit so i had to take several pictures to get the sweeping work of natural art (ain't nothin' like the real thing, baby) * i wanted to climb up to get a picture looking up at the majestic trees on top but as i climbed it was all metal & sailcloth & the handholds were very shaky so i couldn't hold onto one for long before reaching another but there weren't many so i was quite scared & always on the verge of falling * this didn't make me think of stopping but rather of moving more quickly * i had to get the pictures of those trees, had to see them from up there * when i got to the ledge, which had been a celtic design of roots, it was a narrow bit of metal & sailcloth that made me very nervous (what does fear of falling mean?) * then when i was finally on my back looking up it was a huge metal building with no remnant of the trees * another one that taught me som'm:
i was in the new house of my ex & it was chock full of material stuff, stuff that i knew he wanted, stuff that i coulnd't believe he'd bought (a pair of truly awful floor-length velour down jackets, one for him, one for his new girl) * Pippin was with me & nobody else was there so i wasn't as disturbed by it all as i might be in real life (i just realized i was frowning a bit writing this!) * i think i was going to have to stay there for some reason & i was relieved to see that there was a spare bedroom * his room had one of those log bedframes he wanted but which would never fit in his (real) house & there were two cot beds as if he expected a crowd * just before i woke up i was looking at a truly impressive stack of stereo equipment & thinking, 'wow, i had no idea -- i don't even know this guy! how lucky i got away' *
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birds at my feeders this week:
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questionnaire:
my answers to those questions he always asks on Inside the Actors Studio are as follows (today):
a few Viggo links that made me smile:
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animal friends:
Pippin learned to swim or i should say that he learned he could swim over the weekend * i took him to the Willamette this past lovely sunny Friday afternoon & got him fetching sticks on the edge of the river, which he's been reluctant to get all the way into * since the higher it is the stankier is & because that is some fast-flowing water i've never encouraged him much -- i figure if i'm not willing to go in after him i better not get him in there * but it was a stunning day so i waded in & decided i'd jump in if he got in trouble * i threw the stick further & further out until suddenly Pip was swimming, to his complete surprise * i made a total fool of myself cheering for him & kept it up until we were both sure of his ability * he was so proud of himself, so excited & cute i couldn't help but laugh with vicarious pleasure * i did feel just a twinge that if it's that much fun watching my pup take his first swim it's a shame that it seems so unlikely i'll ever get to watch a child of mine take his first steps or say her first word... ah well, gotta live the life ya got i say!
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obsessions for life:
friends for life
(i hope -- i know):
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lucky moment of the week:
i made myself a smoothie & some coffee & i took them, along with my book out onto my back porch where i have my hammock strung up * both the dogs were out, chasing eachother around the big tree, Pippin barking with glee, Malk looking like the tough patient older brother * i laid out in the hammock with my goodies & my book & the sun fell on me brightly & warmed me all the way into the heart * i heard the familiar, favorite, blunt little chirp that the red-breasted nuthatch makes as he settled on the suet not 3 feet from my feet so i told him i wouldn't move but i took a sip of my coffee & he didn't mind * then i heard the always surprisingly loud whir that a hummingbird makes & looked not 5 feet above me to where i have a feeder & watched a rufous hummer feed in constant motion for several moments * long enough to smile & think "i'm so lucky" *
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 yellow #7 |
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