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the Obsession Chronicles
posted 26 November 2003
Twin Maple Lane, toward the highway
today is Iverson's birthday... no, i'm not going to cry but i do wish we could mush our faces together like in my dream from the other night * today i get to see some of my best friends from Oly: Kyle & Rachel & Kady, Iverson's tough macho girlfriend * new friends are a wonderful freedom to be recognized anew, old friends are a deep sigh of contentment because they know me so well *
giving & taking
in the middle of the night Monday Nathan, my temporary housie, forever friend, sometime muse & even guardian angel, took off for the next adventure & by now must be more than a thousand miles away from here * i have to admit i was looking forward to sleeping undisturbed until at least 7 in the morning, even 8 * i am hoping my floors won't get dirty quite so quickly & i can't wait to sit around & watch football (or even some trashy reality show!) with nobody to make fun of me * i won't miss the advice that flows from all that optimistic innocent unfinished self-absorbed knowledge of youth -- not that some of it wasn't very good *
...but i will miss the telling & hearing of dreams & stories & outlooks on life (even at 5 in the morning) * i will miss the wood projects & endpieces for my fireplace (the fires started & nourished with no effort on my part) * i will miss the shared meals, the lazy evenings of babbling & laughter * the generousity of a spoiled but not quite rotten one hundred percent pure unadulterated boy on the verge of waking up & being a man (once when he responded "that's me" to my "o, man" i teased him back "almost" & giggled shamelessly over his little hurt look) * most of all i'll miss the honest-to-goodness sweetness that comes with (& brings) an unshakeable faith in the universe that keeps on providing *
i needed a reminder when i got here, that life is sweet, that the fates are good, that the dances the gods teach when the heart opens are the most nourishing, that friends can carry you through anything & they do that by sharing * it is amazing how much more space opens up when the give & take gets really good *
living well being the best revenge
it's all about the little things * before Nathan left i made him a couple pairs of pillow cases, a favorite gift of mine & the first i'd done in flannel * they needed to be really boyish so i worried a little about the ribbon i put on, the simplest i could find * they look so much nicer with the hems embellished but i almost didn't put them on * i smiled when that was the first thing Nathan said he liked, almost as big as he was smiling * it's a careful balance, intimate moments across the little fences we put up *
yesterday i made pillowcases for my couch pillows so now i won't be fixing it all the time & it looks much nicer, even if i haven't figured out what to do with the arms yet...
the juncos & finches &, slowly, the jays are on both porches, on the feeders & in the bath * yesterday i watched three flickers feeding on the ground around the feeders * the light of the ever-changing fall days bounces glowing off the colorful trees that surround me in the most delightful ways, propelling me outside to take pictures with my new digi * it's cold & i'm glad i got my butt out to the jobsite for one more pile of wood bits to throw in the fire... tonight i'll have a fire with my friends *
i'm still working on Nathan's idea of thinking up a charm necklace where each charm is a person who had an impact on your life * i've been making a list & wow... that's a lot of people & there are some places i want to include too * what would you be if you were a charm? what would i be? Sunshine might have to be a goat & i'm trying to decide if Nathan's a key or a bird... Bob's that damn comet * Kyle's the pretty glass window sculpture he almost gave me * Max is a star with spirals in it * Hezzie's gotta be a frosty glass o' beer...
i'm thinking that my next little book might be made from that idea too * kind of love poems to some of the ones who have been my guardian angels * the ones who have known me, or at least seen me clearly, right from the get-go, some of whom still took & take the time to go deeper * i have been very lucky...
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making lists: about this page
the stunning movie The Pillow Book is the inspiration for this ever-evolving page of lists * there are lots of links mixed in on my lists -- if i could find a good link on any item, i included it * some links go straight to Amazon.com or the IMDb but watch that bottom status bar because there are some other great links hidden in there * if you're interested in a little history, follow the story behind this page on the one that came before it, otherwise, read on for more rambling words and lists of beloved things -- is that an oxymoron?
my horrorscope today
(for the week of 27 Nov):
Three decades ago, outmoded concepts of God seemed ready for retirement. No thoughtful person could buy into the fossilized delusion that the Divine Intelligence resembled a stern, prudish old man inclined to favor some groups of human beings over others. Since then, however, we have regressed. Literalist interpretations of the Bible and Koran have temporarily restored the supremacy of the Antiquated Cartoon Deity. More than ever, it's crucial that we overthrow that fake, Aries. Luckily, you're in a favorable phase to do your part in the noble work. I exhort you to dissolve obsolete images of God that stifle your relationship with the Real Thing.
angel cards i just drew:
clarity tenderness grace
how am i doing?
"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature."
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
i've had dreams... dreams of deep water at night * dreams of Iverson, one in which he wouldn't come to me & another in which he buried his nose in my cheek & we clung together like lost & found * i dreamed of a lovely asian boy who was going to kiss me but i had a mouth full of crackers * i'm right there with those guardian angels but i'm struggling with the fluff... i should be ready to dance with the Real Thing again soon * maybe i am already *
on a good day at Smith Rock
movie star crushes:
the best movies i've seen lately:
movies i want to see next:
what music is playing:
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tv shows i watch unless there's som'm better to do (usually there is):
i am a sports fiend:
some great games this weekend * i enjoyed the Seattle game, can't believe they let that one go (o yes i can!) * then my durn Raiders almost making a comeback * i'm not even sure i'm looking forward to seeing my boy Chuckie tonight, the poor guy... i guess now he's such an underdog i can root for him guilt-free *
birds at my feeders:
something good happened the other day:
my house is sparkly clean & today my pals Kyle & Rachel get here * tomorrow i'll go with them toward the coast for the big thanksgiving feast with her family * it will be so good to be among old friends for a few days * good to go see a new place, be with some locals *
this thanksgiving i am most thankful for my friends... thank you all for giving *
& i cooked:
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i'm not ready to get a dog still * i'm looking forward to having one to get me out of the house more, down to the river (how i miss that) * but not yet...
Malkmus, my neighbor dog
what i am reading now:
sayings on my mind:
it's all connected *
all things in moderation *
embrace the dark side *
use it or lose it *
love it or leave it *
the answer's usually both *
nobody's just anybody *
regrettin' shit is a waste of time *
i'd rather regret som'm i did than som'm i didn't *
one door never closes without another one opening *
there are no innocents *
life is bittersweet *
damn, we're in a tight spot *
things i collect:
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