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the Obsession Chronicles"may you live all the days of your life"
-- jonathan swift posted 23 January 2004 | |
a true friend being a rare gift
so i took the first trip back to Oly, the old stomping grounds, beloved home for 10 years * ...wow * i wouldn't have, couldn't have, done it without my best friend * i'll try not to go on & on but how wonderful to be able to get the first trip over with (& spend the whole time with the precious!) with such a supportive, level-headed (i'm trying to stop but my 2 favorite qualities are there: genuine & generous) friend to stand by me * spending most of it sitting around watching football! that was easy, perfect * the whole thing was easy enough but i gotta admit some bits hurt a little * that's okay, really * i don't mind a little crying, even if Kyle & Iverson do (note to the boys: you don't have to do anything when the girls cry * give 'em kisses if you're a puppy or the right boy for that & if you can listen & let it pass that's probably the best thing * like the lady says "in no time, you'll be fine") *
[y'know, while i'm handing out notes to my readers, i'd just like to mention that this page is an exercise in honesty, in putting myself out there, without the usual public front * my friends can tell by the writing & i figure if you're reading my page you are either one of my friends &/or you enjoy eavesdropping -- as i do: my favorite books are intensely personal * if you like how i ramble on then i'm glad (let me know) & if you don't i hope you'll just wander on * i should make my next sweetie read the whole series just so's i can say i warned him!]
i like to get it out, get it over with, y'know * the only way through it is through it * i can bury the more difficult emotions & get by on fakey smiles or i can let it flow, let it go * see, i signed up for the whole ride: the ups & the downs, even the parts that make me feel sick to my stomach * if getting to spend those glory days up on the wide open roof mean having to spend some long days down in the deep dark basement then i'm up for it all * sure, all the endless processing drives me crazy (how many times do i have to let go to get over it?) but i do still wish to be true so i can't complain about a few rough moments (what's that quote? "I pray for wisdom, and when you pray for wisdom you get your ass kicked." -- Jim Carrey) * to have somebody around who can just watch it go by without getting all freaked out made it all much easier, more permanent * those trips to the basement are almost fun if there's somebody else there to bounce all the ideas off * i drove away with a lighter heart & that was the tears & the tough questions as well as the football & quiet evening with a couple good friends *
& now i'm home, in my new place, far from that old world, open to almost any path * for now i've come to terms with the transition phase & i'm just enjoying all the creative energy i have to spend right here (& here) on my site, on my pad of paper (can't quite give up the old ways) or on my camera * am i convinced? well, honestly, even the fact that i lost a few of my friends (including -- especially -- that sweet gorgeous dog & lovely comfortable little town) doesn't hurt as much as the one precious friendship i did keep (as well as a couple of other true friends who left before i did) gives me joy & sustenance: i get by with a little help from my friends * dream with the hobbitsyes, i'm still obsessed, still delighted with the fellowship * i wish i could play you my new favorite song: Dom & Elijah singing a happy jibberish song called Half Fling but Billy's a good hobbit laugh too -- o man, speaking of, can you imagine how big those too-blue eyes got for his, er, night on the town? (are you watching that status bar?) | ||
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making lists: about this pagelast updated 10 January 2004
the stunning movie The Pillow Book is the inspiration for this ever-evolving page of lists * there are lots of links mixed in on my lists -- if i could find a good link on any item, i included it * some links go straight to Amazon.com or the IMDb but watch that bottom status bar because there are some other great links hidden in there * if you're interested in a little history, follow the story behind this page on the one that came before it, otherwise, click on for more rambling words and lists of beloved things -- is that an oxymoron?
the lists below may look the same but they change every time i update the page * not all of them every time, but all of them over time * as it's a new year i'm going to give them another thorough going over, keep my mind moving on to new obsessions, even though i don't completely let go of the old ones *
the 2 spots at top i'll keep -- they're always changing & besides, they please me (i'm the only audience for these pages for all i know, so why not?) * my horrorscope: i'm a woo-woo type, part pagan, so why not revel in it? & the hotties in the movies: what's life without some tasty crushes? i try to keep the list short, but when i really fall for somebody it's usually because of a generous genuine nature & then i never want to take him&her off my list * like Viggo, like Salma * i saw the elvin Cate Blanchett on Inside the Actors Studio & wow... she said "It has to be a generous act" about really giving herself to a performance emotionally, going all out as she does * the generosity of creative expression is one of my favorite concepts, the one i've begun the last 2 years with (see Viggo for last year, & Brezsny for this) * see, it's all connected * | |
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my horrorscope this week
(for the week of 22 January 2004): For many male athletes, having sex before a big game is taboo. They believe it saps their energy and hurts their chances of winning. The coach of the Chinese Olympic ping-pong team has gone even further, banning his players from falling in love. In my opinion, this approach is crazy and wrong. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, the best way for you to prime yourself for your upcoming moment of truth is by enjoying as much sweet affection and erotic delight as you dare.
angel cards i just drew:
education willingness strength how am i doing?
ha * well, Brezsny's dreamin' but my education does continue & i am willing in most moments, strong in many * hopefully all that will prepare me for my upcoming moment of truth * to begin with a theme
(for the week of 1 January 2004): I saw my Aries friend Alexis yesterday. "You're even more festive than the last time I saw you," I told her. She had on red silk pants, a burgundy cashmere sweater, silver scarf, black snakeskin boots, and beaded black tunic. I noticed several new piercings and a Hindu-style red dot on her forehead just above her eyes. She also happened to be carrying her snake, which was wrapped around her arm. "The older I get, the freer I am to hide nothing about how I really feel," she replied. "It's not even rebellion any more -- it's generosity. I have this sense that the world needs me to express my most extravagant self." I nominate Alexis to be your patron saint in 2004, Aries.
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my favorite onscreen crushes:
the boys
& the girls
the best movies i've seen lately:
movies i want to see next:
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what music is playing:
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random moments i'll never forget:
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birds who visit my feeders:
"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature." -- Frank Lloyd Wright |
questionnaire:
my answers to those questions he always asks on Inside the Actors Studio are as follows (today):
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animal friends:
i got to see the boy... it was a wonderful walk down memory lane, that's for sure * i hope the one i eventually get (not too long now) will measure up... not that i don't give my love away freely, but i do know what it's like to have just the right dog * 
Iverson
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sayings i live by:
not all boys grow up to be men *
ain't nothin' like the real thing baby * just because something is possible doesn't mean you get to have it * home sweet home * fake it till you make it * we're all connected * all things in moderation * embrace the dark side * use it or lose it * love it or leave it * the answer's usually both * nobody's just anybody * regrettin' shit is a waste of time * i'd rather regret som'm i did than som'm i didn't * one door never closes without another one opening * there are no innocents * damn, we're in a tight spot * 
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