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the Obsession Chronicles"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
-- Erica Jong posted 24 February 2004 | |
taking stockyellow #1 (for Viggo)
on Wednesday, the 25th, i'll have spent 6 months in Corvallis... next month is my birthday: 33 on the 22nd (like Pippin, i love elevensies) *
already it seems a new era has begun here * of the Twin Maple 3 that i began with here, i am the only one left * so there's still a Twin Maple 3 but now it's just me, Pippin & the place itself * Nathan never planned to stay for long (& stayed for longer) & Sunshine took off to go live closer to her family * there are 2 empty apartments so i guess we'll get some new neighbors soon & hopefully they'll be like the ones we've got now * Jason & Abby, who live next door & are the parents of Pip's best buddy Malk are super sweet & we hang out a lot more now that i have the dog & Sunshine's gone * they're more quiet types than Sunshine (so am i, mostly) so we just watch movies or sit out in the morning sun watching the dogs * when we watch movies i get just the tiniest bit envious 'cause Jason sits there the whole time playing with her hair... awww * hopefully my next sweetie will do that for me (i mean & not stop after the first month or so) * heh, the first cute boy that Pippin introduced me to (mostly they're ladies, there's a reason they call 'em chick magnets!) complimented me on my hair & after i walked away i felt like turning around for more * Malkmus behind the weeping willow
so life is good (it's always good) but there are remnants, especially as i come up on my 6 month mark * would you believe that with all that i put up on these pages there are still many important obsessions i hold back? sometimes (rarely) it's that i'm not ready to share but other times it's out of respect for others * i didn't say how much it hurt that an old friend was more excited about seeing the pup that still lives in Oly than me... i mean, i love animals more than people too but owie * i rewrote the page about my first trip back at least 6 times to get the bitterness out of it from finding out that my ex had taken a new (not so new?) girl home to meet the folks already & i didn't even have the heart yet to replace the pup...
i must sound depressed, but, see, i think being able to write the truth -- put it out there for anybody to see, not caring what any of them think -- is a sign of the depth of my healing * those things don't make me cry any more, even if they do get me up too early, keep me up too late scribbling * i got a letter from South Africa the other day from a woman who said "what you've done on your site is fantastic, so open and genuine" * a while back a friend with whom i've worked but never met said reading these pages was like eavesdropping * i talked to a good friend in Oly who said "i can't believe some of the things you put up there!" * "neither can i" i told her, but all these comments just make me want to do it more * | ||
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making lists: about this pagelast updated 10 January 2004
the stunning movie The Pillow Book is the inspiration for this ever-evolving page of lists * there are lots of links mixed in on my lists -- if i could find a good link on any item, i included it * some links go straight to Amazon.com or the IMDb but watch that bottom status bar because there are some other great links hidden in there * if you're interested in a little history, follow the story behind this page on the one that came before it, otherwise, click on for more rambling words and lists of beloved things -- is that an oxymoron?
the lists below may look the same but they change every time i update the page * not all of them every time, but all of them over time * as it's a new year i'm going to give them another thorough going over, keep my mind moving on to new obsessions, even though i don't completely let go of the old ones *
the 2 spots at top i'll keep -- they're always changing & besides, they please me (i'm the only audience for these pages for all i know, so why not?) * my horrorscope: i'm a woo-woo type, part pagan, so why not revel in it? & the hotties in the movies: what's life without some tasty crushes? i try to keep the list short, but when i really fall for somebody it's usually because of a generous genuine nature & then i never want to take him&her off my list * like Viggo, like Salma * i saw the elvin Cate Blanchett on Inside the Actors Studio & wow... she said "It has to be a generous act" about really giving herself to a performance emotionally, going all out as she does * the generosity of creative expression is one of my favorite concepts, the one i've begun the last 2 years with (see Viggo for last year, & Brezsny for this) * see, it's all connected * | |
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my horrorscope this week
(for the week of 19 February 2004): On February 1, six big-name entertainers took control of the Super Bowl halftime show. The result was a histrionically boring spectacle of robotic sexuality and fake emotion. If there was any saving grace amidst the monumental emptiness, it was Janet Jackson's climactic unveiling. In a New York Times article, Alessandra Stanley wrote, "The one moment of honesty in that coldly choreographed tableau was when the cup came off and out tumbled a normal middle-aged woman's breast instead of an idealized Playboy bunny implant." Your assignment in the coming week, Aries, is to be inspired by that moment of honesty. Strip away pretension and phoniness everywhere you find them, thereby exposing the raw humanity that lies beneath. One caveat: Do this ethically, and without breaking the law.
angel cards i just drew:
release willingness strength how am i doing?
i am certainly willing to release the past & i'm getting strong for the future * o, & i'm definitely the real thing, about as raw as it comes * speaking of the real thing, i had a wonderful simple dream where i met my favorite crush/idol Viggo * he just passed behind me & we said hi to eachother but i put out my hand & he took it lightly, warmly, generously just for a moment as he walked by... sigh * it doesn't matter if i meet him, he gives me hope just by being * i fall asleep to his readings of Blake, Swift & his own work, mixed in with wonderful songs by some of the hobbits * when i take my walks with Pip sometimes i see things that i think he would like, like the yellow & green moss growing on the support of the freeway bridge * someday i'd like to show him some of them, but for now i'll just follow his lead & be creative just because i like it *
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my favorite onscreen crushes:
the boys
& the girls
the best movies i've seen lately:
movies i want to see next:
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what music is playing:
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random moments i'll never forget:
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birds who visit my feeders:
"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature." -- Frank Lloyd Wright 
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questionnaire:
my answers to those questions he always asks on Inside the Actors Studio are as follows (today):
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animal friends:
my new best friend is a sweetie of a black lab pup & he's named, of course, for my favorite little drunk turned hero, Pippin * we've been together for 2 & a half weeks now & our bond is deepening everyday * he's learning all the tricks & i'm getting out to the parks a lot more * funny how everybody talks to you when you're walking with a cute, rambunctious puppy! if anybody's going to find me a new human sweetie it'll be Pippin (not that he's not boyfriend enough for me right now, of course!) *
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mossy trunk at MacDonald Forest sayings i live by:
not all boys grow up to be men *
ain't nothin' like the real thing baby * just because something is possible doesn't mean you get to have it * home sweet home * fake it till you make it * we're all connected * all things in moderation * embrace the dark side * use it or lose it * love it or leave it * the answer's usually both * nobody's just anybody * regrettin' shit is a waste of time * i'd rather regret som'm i did than som'm i didn't * one door never closes without another one opening * there are no innocents * damn, we're in a tight spot * |
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